Quit Being Such A Pussy

It was a cool fall evening and I had just taken the last $50 out of my bank account to buy groceries for the week.  Looking forward to a gut full of of kale, ramen, and water for the next few weeks I figured I would treat myself to a last supper at the local fast food Chinese place.  The food was nasty but it would be the best thing I would eat for who knows how long.  I ordered my partially de-veined sweet and sour shrimp and went to grab the straw for my drink and wait.  The only other people in the restaurant were a woman and a little girl sitting together quietly eating their meals.

The front door to the dump flung open, breaking the glass and three bandanna-masked, ski jacket clad guys burst in yelling something about getting our fucking hands up and not moving.  You have got to be fucking kidding me.  These guys are robbing an empty piece of shit fast-food place?  Guns waving, acting gangsta, hopping over counters, and yelling.

The woman grabbed her daughter and sprinted for the door where she was stopped.  Another guy walked up to me, put a gun in my ribs and told me to empty my pockets.  At this point something came over me that scared me even more than a gun in my ribs.  I wasn’t scared.  I was super pissed steaming as they were going to take my last $50 for at least a couple of weeks.  If anyone had asked me beforehand what I would do in a situation like that, the answer would have been obvious…just give them what they want and let them go.  But all I remember is thinking how I was going to get the gun and shoot this fucker.  Something was in the air.  MSG perhaps.

Without having yet developed a plan, I passed my keys and wallet to the guy and he threw it in his pillowcase bag.  Almost simultaneously the loudest of the bunch came running out from the back of the store demanding that someone open the safe.  He picked the closest employee, none of which spoke English, and put the gun to his head and told him that if he didn’t open the safe he would blow his mutha fuckin’ head off.  There was definitely going to be a problem here. “Hey!  You!”, I blurted out to one of the other two.  “You don’t need my keys do you?”  C’mon, give me a break.”.   Believe it or not he gave me my keys back.  Wow!  Now it was time to get really brazen before they blew this guy’s head off.   “Hey!  You again!  You can have my wallet but can you at least grab my license out of there so I don’t have to sit at the DMV for 3 hours?”  “Sorry, you’re too late man.”  With that, the guns were put away and they bounded out the door.  Shit!  If I had asked just a little earlier I would have actually got my license back.  I can’t believe it.

There isn’t a gun to your head I hope.  You aren’t stuck in a shitty Chinese fast food joint with your last 50 bucks are you?  So what’s holding you back from calling up a company and asking an employer for a meeting?  AND I DON’T MEAN HR!!!  I mean call up the President of the damn company and ask for a meeting over coffee or lunch to discuss the different areas you can add value to their organization.  What’s the worst that can happen?  You get your head blown off?