Are You A Social Media Stalker?

When forging new relationships, we tend to make judgments reasonably fast as to whether someone can either fulfill a need in our  lives or not. In job interviews, an employer can usually tell within 10 to 30 seconds if the candidate has any chance of being hired. How is their handshake?  Are they here to listen or to lecture?  Do they match my vision of how someone should be in this role?  Will my customers be impressed by this person?    However, once that candidate is able to survive the initial equivalent of dogs sniffing each others back ends and there appears to be some value, the employer will naturally open up to exploring more intimate conversation and the first bonds of a relationship are able to be created.

These basics of relationship building also apply when meeting new people through social media avenues such as Twitter, Facebook, blogs, etc.  When I first started out, I was so excited to have unfettered access to thought leaders such as Seth Godin, Keith Ferrazzi, or Pamela Slim that I just jumped right in without any courting process whatsoever. Hi.  Great to meet you.  Wanna have sex?  I was ridiculous and couldn’t imagine why I wasn’t getting their attention.  C’mon, I am a nice guy.  I’m complimentary.  What gives?  I’ll tell you what gives.  While these folks might have been providing me a wealth of value, I was providing them none.  I came off like a stalker rather than a source for great information.  And I wanted them to befriend me?  Not happening.

Before barging into the mix, I learned to listen to the conversation and then decipher where I could provide the most value, injecting it at the right time.  If a conversation is about career assistance and my strength is providing the latest information on NFL trade deadlines, it made more sense to either relate my expertise to what is being discussed or wait until a more closely related topic comes up. In doing this, I could become more valuable to that particular person and increase the chances of being considered a great source for this certain type of information.

I’ll admit that sometimes I resort to my greenhorn ways when I come across an admired influence on Twitter and Facebook but am getting better at controlling my Lenny-like impulses to hug them to death. Give your relationships, both old and new, the respect they deserve by providing solid and timely value and you will gradually become the followed instead of the follower. Looking back, you’ll be floored when you realize how many great friends you have.